suitcases

suitcases are very odd, but it seems that people are reasured by them. if u call out a plumber ot a computer fixer, you expect them to come with a bag, or a box and a spanner or something to that like. if they dont come with one then you asume they are no good. which leads me to wonder if they just have a bag packed with useless tools and bits and bobs and they leave it by the door, and this is what they just take with them, to make everything look good.

the 192 bus

he 192 bus, has alot of weird people on it. this maybe beacuse of the area it goes thru and too. or beacuse all the weird people just like this bus. i think its the people that chose the bus.

the exploration of breakfast

before i met omer i never ate breakfast. i dont know why, maybe the sudden awkeing by my alarm clock made me feel sick, or the stress from worries at home. now i eat breakfast with my husband every morning. its amazing how this tiny meal stops u snacking thru the day. which basicly means that my mother was right in saying so.
i am finding it easyer to be neat, clean and tidy, and keep the curtains open in the day time, to get rid of the mold, than before, perhaps beacuse someone else is in my space or maybe i am growing up.
growing up is as not scary now, as it used to be.

this weeks thoughts.

I woke up at 12pm the other morning (mighta been yesterday), reverting back to my lazy teenhood i guess :), i love it when the light comes thru the curtain, its so bright and almost painfully white. but theres something that attracts me to it. i missed writting on here, i not miss the net as much as i thought, but being able to writting my thoughts down i missed. i had to search thru endless boxes to find some paper and a pen that worked, but as soon as i did, i felt better. i find that if i dont talk for awhile, i dont feel like talking ever again, talking seems to be a useless use of energy, i love to float away in my mind, in layers and layers of day dreams, and where silence and observing is preserved. sometimes i dont know what i am saying, things seem to make more sence in my head, but muddled on paper.

my mum is sad inside, i feel her pain, i feel like shit beacuse i caused it. sometimes i feel so much that i just want to die, or slip in to that inbetween place of life and death.

i dont feel any different after marrige, but i can say that basicly when you are grown up, life becomes full of worries and STUFF. you either want stuff, or have stuff, or fight over stuff.
shopping is easyer when its only 2 people, but u cant really get kiddy stuff for ureself and say its just for the kids.

it is very cold out, and what is very weird is that the weather is very different from one part of manchester to another. yesterday night tho it was so cold i did not feel anything anymore, not coldness or my fingers.

my mind is always filled with thoughts latly, i wait for contact from my grandma, i dont know why, but i feel i sinned in some way. her voice on the phone when my mum told her, was just chilling, i never heard her sound like that. she asked who was i, as if she not have a grand daughter. i felt lost.

i dont feel very lost at the moment tho, i have my husband who cares for me, my family who love me, and g-d's warmth surrounding protecting love.

i can only blog one or twice a week now, this kinda sucks. so i taking notes in a notebook.

see you next week i guess, whoever is listening, love and blessings :)

custurd, trifles, chocolate potofroles, eclairs, scones, strawberry jam

it dosent feel like christmas. life feels different. different but nicer :), one thing is i cant stop smiling. but if i dont see him in the day then i feel depressed and like crying. it sucks being full of hourmones. my mum has decided that since her son in law (i think she likes saying this, cus she say it so much) enjoys cricket, that we should get tv with cricket on it. which is a shock, cus when i wanted cartoons it was a firm no. the kids so excited at having tv and being able to watch like "normal kids" right now reuven is curled up next to it....has x-mas turned only in to material? i think most people celerbrate x-mas cus it is a day with gifts. something to look fwd to, a family day, and u get time off from work. i think that this sad, that the religous holiday has lost its real flavour....i remember celerbrating chunnaka with my family, the lighting of the candles to playing of dredial. and gifts were small and not important. i miss that time. those memories....today i moved our x-mas tree from our computer table to the living room, now the smart thing to do would be to have taken off all the decorations and the lights. when we finialy got it in to the living room there was decorations all over the floor and the lights tangled up in the phone line. this is family i guess, but i wouldnt swap my family for a zillion pounds...i am hungry :( chease and crackers i guess :) i feel like wallece and gromit..cheaseeee..maybe some hot chocolate too yum.. how come that in PG tips tea bags u used to be givin a free toy but now they dont do that anymore?? sucks.

the most stressful but also the happiest week of my life

this week has been amazing but so tiring...

i got married on sunday!

yup :) me :)

was a awful shock to my mum who was spechless for days. my grandma was like a china cup. and my friends were like WHAT?.... lol thats me i guess :)

so this week i have been packing my stuff (preparing to leave home), and being with the family and omer, to get the family well aquaented (friendly with each other) and with friends

my grandpa les

i remember a few things.. being in a orange boat, with my grandpa les and alec and nana, the boat was so orange.. and alec was so tall..like a mountain. And i remember les lifting me up and riding on his shoulders.
and onece..i was trying to look out of a window and i couldnt see, there was a towel rack on the radeator, and les got me a chair and helped me up so i could look out.
he used to made me things, like a box for my rocks, or give me jobs to do in the garden.
he could make any garden a beutiful eden.
he liked cricket, i remember watching cricket on tv with him. and being bored to death. lol

over the rainbow - eve cassidy

the funrel was.. awful.felt so broken. hearing people cry and fall apart in heart around me. tears fell easy like raindrops, and all i could think about was how i wanted to stand up and talk about how i remember him.

stillness

my grandfather les, passed away today.

i dont know what else to write.

weird world we live in

most mornings when i wake up, i feel sad wen i look outside, beacuse its like we all live in a world of concreate. its all stone and grey cold stone. roads and roads lots of cars fill the roads like beatles or ants. and all the people are sad and deppressed looking. i miss the grass and mud and trees and fields, forests, woods, the ground covered in ferns. i wonder if anyone else misses it too.

feels like 1am but its only 9pm

why do people change? but the people u live with stay the same?
why are some people just so uncaring and cold?
why does is snow n one part of manchester but not another?
why are we consumed by wanting stuff?

curls!

had a strange dream yesterday, after watching millions.
i dreamet i had lots of money and i stuff it in to this underground coal shed thing, and i had this long black victorian dress thing on, uno corset and petticoats ans stuff. and long dirty blonde hair. curls! weird. and so i stuff the money in and then i in this black famly car with this guy and these kids (not mine) but he like cant see me, like i dead or something, and then we go to mc donalds and we spend 91pounds! and then we go and we get to this huggge house with trees on each side and his kid cryin cus ther mum died awhile back, and theres these pears and i keep nicking them cus they just taste so damn nice.

then last night (after i was attacked by the chicken) i dreamet i was buying a tall larder fridge, cus our old one was too small, and it was so big we cud fit in it. and i dreamet that i went to get a drink of choco milk in the morning, and i found a dead guy in it! then i woke up. scary.

the pure white stuff...no..not snow

do u ever feel like pure joy? i been feeling like that latly. its pretty cool, but most people dont understand it, beacuse they worry too much.

frustrated me...

STILL NO SNOW!!!!!!! THE WEATHER PEOPLE ****ING LIE! LIE! LIE!

*cries*

no more showers :(

our shower is broken. this sucks major. cus i hate baths. they take too long and theres all this time u have to spend in the bath or u are not "legaly" clean (my mum say). and so i end up sittin and getting bored. plus having a bath is like being in chicken soup. just without the vegtables and the fire underneath. pooo..

my home is like a pile of unsecure plates.

everyone in my family is tense. except my sister who is alwats bouncy, happy and just like a bucket of sunflowers with a high pitched squeekyness.

maybe it is beacuse it is winter, or near chrstmas. or beacuse some dude has upset my mum. The ****. i think this is most inconsiderate of that person, beacuse they do not relise that by making my mum upset and tense, this affects the whole family. i think these ppl should be chopped up in to tiny peices and dropped in creme a la snail soup or just exciled to watching nothing but the first series of star trek.

gota calm myself.

bubbles..bubbles...bubbles..

came accross something interesting today...soap melts! it sorta bubbles and then melts..and the bubbles can cool and stay in the soap..weird..whats soap made of? i know that ages ago..in the middle ages, sometime around the time my mum was born, soap was animal fat, yuk.. how that can keep u clean i have no idea. but now adays it must be made from something else or the animal rights ppl wud be banging on imperial leathers door.

..now if money was soap think how useful that wud be, and we wud all be clean..the big bars cus be like 50pounds and u cud chop it up in to smaller..except that it cud melt away..chocolate wud be a cool currency..yummy..but meltable too..

i dunno why we use money. and why is it paper and metal. paper is not waterproof or fireproof. now if we all had like a disc thing, and that was like conected to our bank accounts, and we cud swipe it in all shops and on the bus that wud be cool and so much time saving. or we cud just stare at ppl and transfers of 1000 pounds cud go thru.. i dunno wot i thinkin here..

money

Money's just a thing.

And things change.

One minute something's there and you can cuddle up to it.

The next minute it's gone.

Like a Malteser.

no snow yet!

had a dream last night.. of a boat that was clear like glass but also of wood but was light and rested on the surface of the water like a leaf. and it could move and change shape to an extent like a mathmatacal shape. was beutiful..and graceful, mesmerising.

memories or dreams

this is about a memory i have maybe it was a dream. i dont know what day it was, or the time. anyway here it is..

I was sleeping..and he woke me, saying "sarah its snowing!" I grunted and snuggled deeper in the blanket. Then i heard my siblings run down the stairs look out of the door and shouts of excitement as they rushed to put on lots of layers and to find gloves or socks to protect their hands.
i got up and went to the door, we peered outside, it was white, thick white snow covered everything, and the sky was full of thick flakes, falling softly but quickly, a golden glow from the lamp posts on the snow set a erry feeling, a feeling of excitement rushed through me and i rushed also to get boots and a jumper.
we stood on the step wanting to rush out but also wanting to preserve the beauty, but eventully reuven jumped and laughed and ran about, yoey following in his steps, he ran out and followed them as i steped in it too feeling the crunch under my feet, it was cold and clear, and i couldnt see the sky cus the sky was full of snowflakes.
i ran to him and we ran together, and then danced, till we were standing hugging in the road as the snow fell around us, and the children were playing near us.

that moment as we held each other, time stopped. everything was still except the snow that fell.