suitcases

suitcases are very odd, but it seems that people are reasured by them. if u call out a plumber ot a computer fixer, you expect them to come with a bag, or a box and a spanner or something to that like. if they dont come with one then you asume they are no good. which leads me to wonder if they just have a bag packed with useless tools and bits and bobs and they leave it by the door, and this is what they just take with them, to make everything look good.

the 192 bus

he 192 bus, has alot of weird people on it. this maybe beacuse of the area it goes thru and too. or beacuse all the weird people just like this bus. i think its the people that chose the bus.

the exploration of breakfast

before i met omer i never ate breakfast. i dont know why, maybe the sudden awkeing by my alarm clock made me feel sick, or the stress from worries at home. now i eat breakfast with my husband every morning. its amazing how this tiny meal stops u snacking thru the day. which basicly means that my mother was right in saying so.
i am finding it easyer to be neat, clean and tidy, and keep the curtains open in the day time, to get rid of the mold, than before, perhaps beacuse someone else is in my space or maybe i am growing up.
growing up is as not scary now, as it used to be.

this weeks thoughts.

I woke up at 12pm the other morning (mighta been yesterday), reverting back to my lazy teenhood i guess :), i love it when the light comes thru the curtain, its so bright and almost painfully white. but theres something that attracts me to it. i missed writting on here, i not miss the net as much as i thought, but being able to writting my thoughts down i missed. i had to search thru endless boxes to find some paper and a pen that worked, but as soon as i did, i felt better. i find that if i dont talk for awhile, i dont feel like talking ever again, talking seems to be a useless use of energy, i love to float away in my mind, in layers and layers of day dreams, and where silence and observing is preserved. sometimes i dont know what i am saying, things seem to make more sence in my head, but muddled on paper.

my mum is sad inside, i feel her pain, i feel like shit beacuse i caused it. sometimes i feel so much that i just want to die, or slip in to that inbetween place of life and death.

i dont feel any different after marrige, but i can say that basicly when you are grown up, life becomes full of worries and STUFF. you either want stuff, or have stuff, or fight over stuff.
shopping is easyer when its only 2 people, but u cant really get kiddy stuff for ureself and say its just for the kids.

it is very cold out, and what is very weird is that the weather is very different from one part of manchester to another. yesterday night tho it was so cold i did not feel anything anymore, not coldness or my fingers.

my mind is always filled with thoughts latly, i wait for contact from my grandma, i dont know why, but i feel i sinned in some way. her voice on the phone when my mum told her, was just chilling, i never heard her sound like that. she asked who was i, as if she not have a grand daughter. i felt lost.

i dont feel very lost at the moment tho, i have my husband who cares for me, my family who love me, and g-d's warmth surrounding protecting love.

i can only blog one or twice a week now, this kinda sucks. so i taking notes in a notebook.

see you next week i guess, whoever is listening, love and blessings :)

custurd, trifles, chocolate potofroles, eclairs, scones, strawberry jam

it dosent feel like christmas. life feels different. different but nicer :), one thing is i cant stop smiling. but if i dont see him in the day then i feel depressed and like crying. it sucks being full of hourmones. my mum has decided that since her son in law (i think she likes saying this, cus she say it so much) enjoys cricket, that we should get tv with cricket on it. which is a shock, cus when i wanted cartoons it was a firm no. the kids so excited at having tv and being able to watch like "normal kids" right now reuven is curled up next to it....has x-mas turned only in to material? i think most people celerbrate x-mas cus it is a day with gifts. something to look fwd to, a family day, and u get time off from work. i think that this sad, that the religous holiday has lost its real flavour....i remember celerbrating chunnaka with my family, the lighting of the candles to playing of dredial. and gifts were small and not important. i miss that time. those memories....today i moved our x-mas tree from our computer table to the living room, now the smart thing to do would be to have taken off all the decorations and the lights. when we finialy got it in to the living room there was decorations all over the floor and the lights tangled up in the phone line. this is family i guess, but i wouldnt swap my family for a zillion pounds...i am hungry :( chease and crackers i guess :) i feel like wallece and gromit..cheaseeee..maybe some hot chocolate too yum.. how come that in PG tips tea bags u used to be givin a free toy but now they dont do that anymore?? sucks.

the most stressful but also the happiest week of my life

this week has been amazing but so tiring...

i got married on sunday!

yup :) me :)

was a awful shock to my mum who was spechless for days. my grandma was like a china cup. and my friends were like WHAT?.... lol thats me i guess :)

so this week i have been packing my stuff (preparing to leave home), and being with the family and omer, to get the family well aquaented (friendly with each other) and with friends

my grandpa les

i remember a few things.. being in a orange boat, with my grandpa les and alec and nana, the boat was so orange.. and alec was so tall..like a mountain. And i remember les lifting me up and riding on his shoulders.
and onece..i was trying to look out of a window and i couldnt see, there was a towel rack on the radeator, and les got me a chair and helped me up so i could look out.
he used to made me things, like a box for my rocks, or give me jobs to do in the garden.
he could make any garden a beutiful eden.
he liked cricket, i remember watching cricket on tv with him. and being bored to death. lol

over the rainbow - eve cassidy

the funrel was.. awful.felt so broken. hearing people cry and fall apart in heart around me. tears fell easy like raindrops, and all i could think about was how i wanted to stand up and talk about how i remember him.

stillness

my grandfather les, passed away today.

i dont know what else to write.

weird world we live in

most mornings when i wake up, i feel sad wen i look outside, beacuse its like we all live in a world of concreate. its all stone and grey cold stone. roads and roads lots of cars fill the roads like beatles or ants. and all the people are sad and deppressed looking. i miss the grass and mud and trees and fields, forests, woods, the ground covered in ferns. i wonder if anyone else misses it too.

feels like 1am but its only 9pm

why do people change? but the people u live with stay the same?
why are some people just so uncaring and cold?
why does is snow n one part of manchester but not another?
why are we consumed by wanting stuff?

curls!

had a strange dream yesterday, after watching millions.
i dreamet i had lots of money and i stuff it in to this underground coal shed thing, and i had this long black victorian dress thing on, uno corset and petticoats ans stuff. and long dirty blonde hair. curls! weird. and so i stuff the money in and then i in this black famly car with this guy and these kids (not mine) but he like cant see me, like i dead or something, and then we go to mc donalds and we spend 91pounds! and then we go and we get to this huggge house with trees on each side and his kid cryin cus ther mum died awhile back, and theres these pears and i keep nicking them cus they just taste so damn nice.

then last night (after i was attacked by the chicken) i dreamet i was buying a tall larder fridge, cus our old one was too small, and it was so big we cud fit in it. and i dreamet that i went to get a drink of choco milk in the morning, and i found a dead guy in it! then i woke up. scary.

the pure white stuff...no..not snow

do u ever feel like pure joy? i been feeling like that latly. its pretty cool, but most people dont understand it, beacuse they worry too much.

frustrated me...

STILL NO SNOW!!!!!!! THE WEATHER PEOPLE ****ING LIE! LIE! LIE!

*cries*

no more showers :(

our shower is broken. this sucks major. cus i hate baths. they take too long and theres all this time u have to spend in the bath or u are not "legaly" clean (my mum say). and so i end up sittin and getting bored. plus having a bath is like being in chicken soup. just without the vegtables and the fire underneath. pooo..

my home is like a pile of unsecure plates.

everyone in my family is tense. except my sister who is alwats bouncy, happy and just like a bucket of sunflowers with a high pitched squeekyness.

maybe it is beacuse it is winter, or near chrstmas. or beacuse some dude has upset my mum. The ****. i think this is most inconsiderate of that person, beacuse they do not relise that by making my mum upset and tense, this affects the whole family. i think these ppl should be chopped up in to tiny peices and dropped in creme a la snail soup or just exciled to watching nothing but the first series of star trek.

gota calm myself.

bubbles..bubbles...bubbles..

came accross something interesting today...soap melts! it sorta bubbles and then melts..and the bubbles can cool and stay in the soap..weird..whats soap made of? i know that ages ago..in the middle ages, sometime around the time my mum was born, soap was animal fat, yuk.. how that can keep u clean i have no idea. but now adays it must be made from something else or the animal rights ppl wud be banging on imperial leathers door.

..now if money was soap think how useful that wud be, and we wud all be clean..the big bars cus be like 50pounds and u cud chop it up in to smaller..except that it cud melt away..chocolate wud be a cool currency..yummy..but meltable too..

i dunno why we use money. and why is it paper and metal. paper is not waterproof or fireproof. now if we all had like a disc thing, and that was like conected to our bank accounts, and we cud swipe it in all shops and on the bus that wud be cool and so much time saving. or we cud just stare at ppl and transfers of 1000 pounds cud go thru.. i dunno wot i thinkin here..

money

Money's just a thing.

And things change.

One minute something's there and you can cuddle up to it.

The next minute it's gone.

Like a Malteser.

no snow yet!

had a dream last night.. of a boat that was clear like glass but also of wood but was light and rested on the surface of the water like a leaf. and it could move and change shape to an extent like a mathmatacal shape. was beutiful..and graceful, mesmerising.

memories or dreams

this is about a memory i have maybe it was a dream. i dont know what day it was, or the time. anyway here it is..

I was sleeping..and he woke me, saying "sarah its snowing!" I grunted and snuggled deeper in the blanket. Then i heard my siblings run down the stairs look out of the door and shouts of excitement as they rushed to put on lots of layers and to find gloves or socks to protect their hands.
i got up and went to the door, we peered outside, it was white, thick white snow covered everything, and the sky was full of thick flakes, falling softly but quickly, a golden glow from the lamp posts on the snow set a erry feeling, a feeling of excitement rushed through me and i rushed also to get boots and a jumper.
we stood on the step wanting to rush out but also wanting to preserve the beauty, but eventully reuven jumped and laughed and ran about, yoey following in his steps, he ran out and followed them as i steped in it too feeling the crunch under my feet, it was cold and clear, and i couldnt see the sky cus the sky was full of snowflakes.
i ran to him and we ran together, and then danced, till we were standing hugging in the road as the snow fell around us, and the children were playing near us.

that moment as we held each other, time stopped. everything was still except the snow that fell.

my teddy

when i was a kid. (a long time ago) I had a teddy bear. (as we all do)
he was brown and had a ribbon round his neck, which i removed cus he mite choke on it.
now sometimes i would lose him in our flat, and my mum told me that he had gone on a bike ride.
she would make stories of him wearing a bike jacket and tearing up the streets on a black moterbike.
sometimes pinkypants would join him. i belived it was true.

hot flushes

flushing the tiolet i found..can be used as a warning device. ie to stop people bursting in Or to stop your family from leaving to spain without you.

tears..

i havent cried, fully for along time.
sometimes i feel really sad, so sad i feel like i going to cry. but i cant. it is like there is a door there.
after david left i cried so much, i couldnt cry no more. i dont know why i loved him so much. but it was there and true.
i think it is not good, beacuse people say its good to cry and natrual to let it out etc..but i try and nothing happens.

Attack Of The Flannel!!!!!!!!!!!

one of the worst things in the morning...is having a perfectly co-ordinated temperature shower go suddenly... Frezzingly Cold.
Of course this happens wen u got the soap aleady in your hair.

i still have vivid memories of being with my grandmother when i was younger, and we are in the park feeding the ducks or in a posh resterunt or going on a train journey and after lunch or snack time :), and i all happy and content and Then..out of the blue! i am ambushed by this cold damp flannel, that smells strongly on imperial leather soap. abuse!

thankfully i grew taller so i could escape.



- my grandfather in newcastle died on thursday. :(

london!

im in london! yay! and on the net..which is kinda sad..the underground is HORRIBLE, worse than when i was a kid. everything seems smaller and more clostrophobic, and the escalators are like mountains, and faster than in manchester.
there are less starbucks cafes! i only saw 2 near waterloo station, very far from each other and no downstairs...POO
oh and you cant buy tickets on the bus, you have to use these weird ticket machines. so odd. and its 1.70 for single tube journey.

waiting..

i have relised today, that people dont reply to important emails. i thought that if it was about money or buisness then yea you would get a next day email. but no. you dont. this makes things very complicated, since i cant exactly call up a ebay seller, and ask were my 4 watermelons have gone. its weird, email is faster than snail mail, yet people dont use it.

little black bag clan

today my day was pretty rushed. but is was sunny! and warm! which was amazing. and on the way home from signin on, i found a dead cat on the pavement. first i though it was sunbathin, but no it was dead. lyin there rigid, with eyes full of terror. scared the **** outa me.

i got stuck in a lift!!! was in the job center, dont use it it evil, first it trapp me inside on pourpose and then the buttons not work, and i couldnt get out, and i not even had lunch :( when it final let me out, i took the stairs down. was really scary :(

so then me n omer went to town and then to cinima, and saw The Lengend Of Zorro. an amazing film!! there was this bit were this lady trying to save her, n kids life, so she run in a barn, and then these guys com with guns, and she like nowhere to be seen, but theres a big pile of hay, so they start stabbin it, and the baby starts to cry in the hay, and then she like hit them with somin, and they go after her, and one guy catch on fire and then roll in some wood, n bam the whole place going up, n the baby screain, and the lady havin a sowrd fight, and then she cant get to the baby, and theres so many flames, but then Zorro arives! and sweeps them on to his hourse n jumps outa there...was amazin film
:)
there was a couple um getting a bit too close, so we complained to the printworks staff, and then watched a staff member tellin them off, was fun. but didnt last, oh well.

and we saw a whole clan of posh ppl, in suits and dresses, with little black bags, just mullin around, and looking excidedly and everything, and then going to see a film, and they all had a little black bag! i wanted one :(
and to end the day off..a guy chuckin up outside printworks.

oh i also had 2 more eclairs. so i have had 5 chocolate eclairs this week. not good.

phobias

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing - yea my sister has that
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up - dont then
Anemophobia- Fear of wind - sniff..it keeps chasing me..
Anthrophobia- Fear of flowers - crazy ppl
Arachibutyrophobia- Fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of the mouth-ok ppl are just makin up stuff
Basophobia- Fear of walking - lazy people.
Batophobia- Fear of being close to high buildings - shouldnt it be, falling off them? or out of?
Blennophobia- Fear of slime - slimeeeeee we got that in our pond
Chionophobia- Fear of snow - why oh why?
Chronomentrophobia- Fear of clocks - tick tock tick tock
Dendrophobia- Fear of trees - again? trees? they aint ganna eat u
Eleutherophobia- Fear of freedom - are u stupid? freeeeeeeedooooommmmmmm! yay!
Ergophobia- Fear of work - yup i know lots of ppl who have this
Geniophobia- Fear of chins - this one is kinda mean
Genuphobia- Fear of knees - yup i been there, try the salvation army, wen u in a group of ladys, knees, knees, knees is all u see.
Helmintophobia- Fear of being infested with worms - ok this mine
Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia- Fear of long words - lol u think?
Ichthyophobia- Fear of fish - dont watch finding nemo then
Lachanophobia- Fear of vegetables - oooohhh help a carrot looked at me!
Melophobia- Fear of music - how? howww?
Metrophobia- Fear of poetry - yup i got that
Nephophobia- Fear of clouds
Nomatophobia- Fear of names - my name is BOB
Octophobia- Fear of the number 8 - why 8? why not 6?
Oneirophobia- Fear of dreams
Ophthalmophobia- Fear of opening one’s eyes - ok so dont open other peoples eyes
Papyrophobia- Fear of paper - huh?
Peladophobia- Fear of bald people - help the shiny ppl!
Phronemophobia- Fear of thinking - oh carp i thought again
Pogonophobia- Fear of beards - ahhhhh help its after meeee!
Triskadekaphobia- Fear of the number 13 - (puberty lol)
Xanthophobia- Fear of the color yellow - why the hell is it yellow? why not green?

lots of the people in the world have a fear of one kind or another. Whats yours?

life of a spagetti hoop

far far away on the moon
of spagetti
lived a hoop
called frullili
one day he was hungry
so he ate himself

by me

karfrana

i dreamed...

It had got colder, the summers hotter, everyone around me ignored it and said the weather fluctuates now and then, and it will get better. But it didn't, it got worse. people started to move in together, and opperate as a small community, staying warm in the winter, saving water and keeping in shade in the summer. There was some who rebeled, mostly young men, who went off alone, they never came back. there was no problem with religons clashing, we all prayed together, in our different ways, but together.

Months went past, we hardly went out anymore. we being I and community I was in. Every few months, someone would go outside, see if anything had changed. One time it was my turn, I went with Sami. I was excited as Heather and Jonu tied my wraps, I longed to be outside.

We stepped out..

*****************************

I awoke, it was cold, where am I? I thought. I looked around me, all I could see was white. After awhile my eyes focused, there was a wall..I was in a small room. why? there was a continuos noise like a rushing crashing sound. The last thing I could remember was stepping out from our home. I looked around me, the door, I opened it and, Sami! he was lying on the floor, I shook him, he awoke and smiled at me.

I was so glad to see him, we searched the room, there was a computer but it wasn't working, the screen we couldn't get it to work. We found a book, it seemed to be a manual..we were in a pod! how did we get here? how do we get out? I gave the manual to Sami and signed to him to pack it and anything else, we are leaving. He agreed, and pointed to the suits in the corner, they looked warm. We put them on. I climbed up and opened the hatch, there was another small round door a few feet ahead of us. I moved carefully, I was stiff. I looked down, Sami smiled reassuringly. I put my hand out on the handle and pulled it back quickly it was cold, very cold. I used my sleeve and opened the door..

Cold water rushed at me, so that was what the noise was I thought. I pushed myself against the water, and lost balance, I fell... there was nothing.. which felt like a year as I was falling, then I hit the water, was so cold, but with the suit I felt warm. I could hear Sami's voice and a splash as he landed beside me. I found his hand, and swam to shore, well a rock I could see nearby.

We sat and looked at the waterfall. The pod must have been inside it. I could hardly see it. Around us were snowy mountains, and green trees! we dropped our stuff and just gazed around us. Their was still a frosty nip in the air.

We found a cave and stayed there for weeks, ate the fruit that we found, and Sami went and killed some small animals for us to eat. Then we found the others. more pods, and then we met a group of adults and young ones. They were like us, with no knowledge of were we were if this was earth, or why. But we had each other.

We stayed together. And eventully settled in a place not far from the lake, in shelter of the trees. We built huts, hunted, there were deer like creatures, and birds I have never seen before. I stayed with Sami, we not ask each other, it just felt right.

...

thats it i woke up :)

was a wonderful dream, I saw my whole life there. i could feel the cold and the smells were real, i could taste and think. i woke up and felt older.

small note: i was 17 and called karfrana in the dream, Sami was 19 and mute, my best friend, then later my husband. we had a cat, called Abi. Heather and Jonu were my adopted parents.

pie..pies..slices of pie..

why are pies round? and do u ever wonder why we cut it in triangles, or atomaticly make sure each slice equal? why is that?wen we kids we already start to be brainwashed by pie. we start learning how to devide, by pie, and then later do pie in math. so by the time we are adults we have already mastered the art of making and serving a pie correctly.its kinda scary.

make a splash. challenge a wave. embrace a friend. celebrate.

my ABC's

A - is for apple, the coolest computer ever
B - is for bouncing, a very fun sport
C - is for crunchy nut cornflakes, yum
D - is for ducks...cus i like ducks
E - is for eggs, and people eating them..weird
F - is for friends, like zulaikha, kate, ash, esther, julian, eddy, and momer.
G - is for...grapes, my mum likes the green ones, i like the red
H - is for hair..differnt colors and shapes, styles and sorts, ppl shaving it for faith, or not cuttin it.
I - is for indigo..a color that is never used, said, or on a label
J - is for joy, a term for a great happy feeling, or a name
K - is for kiwi, the fruit i like but cant eat :(
L - is for lamposts, i wonder how many there are in the world?
M - is for money, how stupid the world is for having it.
N - is for nibbling, sNacking and the muNchies
O - is for ORANGE, the coolest, happiest, wamest color and feeling ever!
P - is for poverty, we are so involved in ourselves, that we just dont see it
Q - is for quiet, will the world ever be completly silent?
R - is for rain, light, heavy, medium, chucking it down and drizzling
S - is for STARBUCKS!!!! best place to be
T - is for Tea, a perfect drink to have at the end of the day.
U - is for U the person reading this now, U get my blessing of happyness forever.
V - is for violets, a flower i never see anymore, and violie my great great grandmother, in her memory.
W - worms!! how weird they are, how they come out at night when it rains, why?
X - is for kisses, and how special it is, or just something u put on a card
Y - is for yo a new term for hello, or my sister's name
Z - is for...Zulaikha :)

pets..

once when i was a kid..i had a snail, called bob.
i take him everywere with me, even to school in a fluffy pencil case with a leaf or two.
But then..something awful happen..he not come out of his shell no more...i was terribly upset..i thought maybe he sad..or dead..or ill..so i put him outside, and went to get another one that was more perky looking.

And once..when i was a kid..i had a catterpiller..but i lost it..somewhere..

And once..when i was a kid..i had a lady bug..and then i found another..and another..ond oh ******* ****! the whole ground was full of them! ahhhh! and i ran back home before they cud get me..

and once i had a fly called bob2...and then i squished him by mistake. so that was it, i decided to get a boyfriend instead.

oh..i also killed lots of daddy long leggers, i tried not too, but everytime i cought one, its legs kept falling off, and i found this really upseting..that god would make a creature with legs that just fell off..and then i found that if you held them by the wing..then the wing not fall off..an so i put him in a jar and called him bob, and he died 3 days later..

today..

today my day was blah. went shopping, but it wasnt fun, more of essentuals like some extra teeth. got new walking boots, they changed the shoe, was kinda irattating but i not bought shoes in like 2 years so it is expected.

most people i know have lots of clothes, more than they need. and yet they seem to be on the lookout for more. i dont see why this is nessery. clothes are to keep you warm and covered. if u have extra coins on ya, drop them in a cup of a homeless person.

today is yom kippor. i did not know the exact ending of the fast, so i waited till 10pm.
i hope this was okey.

also today i saw Lord Of War. i thought that this wud be good film cus it had nickolos cage in it. no offence to fans or nicolous cage. but i felt it was slightly over done. i was bored at the end, waiting for it to finish. and now all i can remember from the film is, blood, guns, violence, power, money, addiction and repression.

i really do prefer childrens cartoons. still not seen wallece n gromit :(

packing tomoz...YaY (NOT) (argh...cant be botherd...wish u cud pack for me)

think my mum is angry with me too..

oh and my hair is now brown with bright RED highlights, did it myself :) not the brown, the red lol

lost in the foggyness of myself

hey, i not updated in awhile...as you know.
:)
after going to see my grandfather in cornwall...well it was...yeh.. :(

early waking up thoughts

*RINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG* *RINNNNNNNNGGGGGG*
AHHHHHH...whats that?...where am i?..who am i?..what day is it?..what year is it?..what the **** is that noise?..

killer worms!!!! ahhhhh!!!! help!!

had weird dream yesterday, and writing them down is the only way i can save them, cus lets face it my memory is poo.

i was in a market, im thinking india or something cus of the surroundings, lots of cloth, gold embrodiery, colored, reds, oranges, different shades, assorted material, jewlery, theres music in the street, rich smells of food for sale. im walking with a guy, im wearing these cool indian clothes, and eating one of those white ball indian sweets. (yum) then we in like resturant soft chairs, dim lights, walls are dark, nice music. we siting, drinkin and eating, then we leave holding hands...next we in a material shop, i getting cloth, the guy i with is talking buisness with the manager..then mum wakes me up

today is sunday, so friday night i had that dream.

on thursday night i had a weird nightmare....i was in a station (not manchester) going to pakistain? (why?) and i had kids? and we were escaping from killer worms. yes Killer Worms.

yeh thats all i remember lol

friggin math in my head

okey now since i read ash's updated entry i had to find out the sum of all lessons i been too cus it botherd me loads. so here is the math:
on monday i have 4 lessons an i went to 3,
tuesday i have 3 and i went to 3,
wednesday i have 2 and i was not there,
thursday i have 3 and i went to 2
and friday i had 2 and i made it to 1
so thats a total of 15 lessons i should have been at, and i made only 9 of them, so i missed out 6 lessons.
thats just not good enough. at all. i dunno wot the percentage of that is. but not good at all. an i thought i had done ok this week :s

why do humans not learn off each other?

u see it all the time. kids playin a game like hide n seek wrong and wen u try to teach them a betta stratergy in the game they dont lisen. they wanna make their own mistakes. how are we to improve ourselves if we dont learn off each other?

saw a beutiful sky b4 all clear with the moon really bright and a white ring around it just a few stars sprinkled round and a airplane flyin away. was amazin wish i coulda taken a pic.

walked back from coll today, toke me 2.5 hours. then got home and had a fight with my mum about a yogurt. a yogurt for gods sake.

life stressing me out. everything getting to me. uno that feelin wen u really cold and u kinda feel misplaced from ur body and time and u just somewer else? yea sometimes i wanna go there. (if u dont have any idea then um its just me who is weird)

i duno what subject, stop askin me...

ok now i dunno how often u supposed to write in this. but i have thoughts in my head now so yeah.

->the snozze button.

why are they there? i mean i get the theroy "so u can sleep an extra 10 min if u want" but thats kinda not ganna work if u have to get up at 10 exactly and u set it for 10, cus then u would be dead late, so u have to time yourself 10 mins back. but does it work? no. the alarm goes off, u hit snooze, snooze goes off, u hit snooze again (if it has the option) an then wen it next goes off u pick that damned ringing object up and throw it against the wall.
u see the flaw? they really need to make somin that works. (when i say they i mean the alarm clock people makers)

-> eggs (chicken)

why do we eat eggs?

now the answer i get from most people is beacuse they are yummy.

think about it, they are from a chickens butt. how gross is that? okey they are unfertilisd but still. we could just start taking unfertilised eggs from some girl an eating them. okey would be tricky but its the same principle.


small subnote : if i am scaring you then im sorry.

eggs eggs why we eat them?

okey.. heres my first entry. i just read my mate (ash's) an i was like hmm think will make a foot print in the web. prob no one will read it, but that is ok.
i gota go cus the computer goin off at 11.30 an i feel like s*** cus i got a virius or somin.
(man this is weird doin this)
um nite ppl
:[

rain rain rain and yes more rain

today it rained..it rained so much that outside turned grey. And i got my hoodie, shawl, red jumper, 2 pairs of socks, and 2 pairs of jeans soaked. which like leaves me with no clean clothes left. this gives me two options, one: wash all my dirty clothes, or two: just leave it and maybe they will dry by themselves.. actully in the morning, i went for a walk in the park, which i have never done in the morning (my mum does and raves about it so i thought id take a wack at it) even tho it was like 8 am or somin, and it was nice lots of mud and so many leaves, greens, yellows, reds, oranges, browns, i got lots of art ideas while i was thought walking.

and i saw a catterpiller, i not seen one in ages, so weird cus it october. global warming i guess, i wanted to bring it home but i thought that wud be kinda mean, plus i wud prob lose it in my room,

sometimes, when i out and its frezzing. i feel nothing, and can hear nothing, at this point i feel my soul leaves my body, and can float up and see me at a different angle, see the whole picture. i pefer this sometimes.

midnight attack!!

Last night i was attacked by a chicken. I went to get a drink of milk, and this chicken wing flew out of the fridge and hit me.
Was really personal.

little gold cups

my grandfather had this thing about making foil cups. maybe it helped him unstress or it was a part of old age crazyness. but still he would spend time making them perfect, and he would tell me, that ordinary foil from chocolates, wasnt good enough. it had to be ferro racho (cant spell it right) chocolates. and he kept them all and everytime we went to see him there would be more and more of these cups on his mantle peice. was really weird.

beware when exploring the depths of my... bag

now i never belived in bags. like hand bags. cus its like a target to robbers.
and being that target you would lose everything u really need, like phone, money, keys, cards, pepper spray etc.
so for a long time i wore pants with big pockets, and that worked. until i had too much stuff and my pants were sliding down from the weight.
so i made a bag, using my own material from clothes i grown out of, to my family's scraps.
a memory bag.
now this worked.
took me 2 months to finish it. but it worked, suddenly a place to keep my stuff!
but now, i have the same problem.. too much stuff. so much stuff that i cant find anything anymore. and it hurts me to rumage.

im emptying it now, heres a list of the contents.

1. mobiles
2. mp3 player plus earphones
3. wallet
4. keys
5. hankerchief - which is weird, i never use it
6. 2 pairs of sizzors, one of them is blunt
7. assortted sewing thread
8. bits of fabric plus needles
9. gloves - i was looking for those!
10. medication
11. mp3 case
12. more thread
13. a necklace
14. a x-mas card
15. 7 biros
16. 8 old bus tickets
17. a mp3 cable that is not compatable
18. and piece of glass, a loose needle, 86p in change and a stick of rock.

i have problems i think